You Can't Teach A River To Drive
by xxWavexxRiderxx
Summary: Dean gets teased for having a crush on River Song. But his day gets worse as he decides to try and teach River to drive, and his precious Impala gets caught in the crossfire.


"You do know that I can drive sweetie, I don't need you to teach me."

Dean rolled his eyes as he packed the backpack on the kitchen table. Even though his back was to her he could almost see River's stubborn face, her arms folded across her chest. They had been over this argument a thousand times but she still didn't want to let it go. He sighed as he turned round to look at her, rewarded with the stubborn expression and folded arms he knew she would be sporting.

"We've been over this River; I'm not explaining it to you again." He folded his arms across his chest.

"Just tell me again so we can be clear" She smiled at him. Dean struggled to fight the urge to answer her but eventually the smile enticed him. He sighed as he dropped his arms.

"All I'm saying is that you grew up in the UK. The steering wheel is on a different side, you drive on the other side of the road…." He paused as his argument failed to drive the smile off of River's face. He wasn't fooling her.

"Okay fine! I don't let anyone near my baby unless I have fully tested their driving skills. I'm fed up of having to fix her every time someone bangs into something." He reluctantly admitted. He added under his breath "No one hurts my baby."

River smiled. "Finally the truth! So shall we go?"

Dean shrugged. "Yeah, I'll meet you by the car. Don't touch anything!" He yelled after her as she walked out the door.

"You're no fun Dean!" She called back, blowing a kiss as she walked out the door.

Dean shook his head as he turned around to pick up the backpack; he almost dropped it though when he turned around and came face to face with his brother.

"Dammit Sam don't scare me like that!"

"Still entertaining River?" Sam asked; an innocent expression on his face.

"Well yeah… The Doctor said keep her entertained until he gets back." Dean looked at the expression on his brother's face, spotting amusement in the hazel eyes. "What?"

"I don't think that's what the Doctor said. I think he said something along the lines of '_Keep River out of trouble_'" Sam smiled.

Dean frowned, but he groaned as he saw the two people lurking behind Sam. "What the hell do you guys want?"

"Nothing. Not that it's any of your business, this is my house, and I can do whatever the hell I like… idjit." Bobby gruffly said, but even he had a slight smirk on his face. Castiel was behind Bobby, a slightly confused expression on his face. Dean's mouth twitched slightly, but he was still annoyed.

"Seriously what do you want? I can't keep River waiting." He gestured to the door.

"Sam and Bobby seem to think you have a strong attachment to River." Castiel frowned. "Their exact words were '_Dean wants to introduce River to the backseat of the impala'_. But River has already seen the backseat of the Impala, I don't understand why you would need to show her again."

Sam bit his lip to hold back the laughter; Dean rolled his eyes at Castiel. Bobby looked at Castiel "You're an idjit Castiel."

Castiel appeared even more confused; he started fiddling with his tie. Sam was struggling to hold back the giggles but instantly stopped when Dean threw him a dirty look.

"I don't have a crush on River." Dean said, but he bit his lip.  
>"Yeah right!" Sam said. Bobby shook his head muttering something under his breath which made Castiel frown.<p>

"Why would you be a monkey's uncle?" Castiel asked. Bobby opened his mouth to answer, but something made him stop. He stared at Castiel's inquisitive expression, before leaving the room muttering about being in a house full of useless idjits.

Dean slung the backpack over his shoulder and shoved past Sam to go and meet River.

"You know I'm right!" Sam called after him. "I'm just saying that I would wanna be you when the Doctor finds out. And I definitely don't wanna be you when Amy and Rory find you trying it on with their daughter!" Sam's laughter followed Dean out of the door, as he blushed with embarrassment before the horror of what Amy would do to him when she found out. He gulped.

~~~~~

"So just let the clutch go slowly while your foot is on the accelerator…" Dean paused when River threw him a dirty look. He swallowed, a feeling of nervousness creeping over him.

River smiled as she let the clutch go suddenly causing the Impala to jump before shuddering to a halt. Dean winced a bit as he heard his baby grind to a halt. He was pretty sure River was just doing this to annoy him and jump on his every last nerve. Then again she could have been lying about being able to drive.

"Let's just try that again." He nervously said, his hand gripped his chair.

River laughed. "Something wrong Dean?"

"What? No… no of course not."

"Then either you are in pain or in a height of ecstasy" she said, gesturing to Dean's hands gripping the seat.

Dean's cheeks redden slightly as he let go of his seat. "Just get on with it River." He said gruffly, trying to maintain the illusion that he was still a man. River's laugh meant he had failed to do so.

But River got back to the task at hand, and Dean sighed with relief as this time she drove off smoothly with no problems. In fact everything was going well… until the engine started groaning.

Dean glanced at River out of the corner of his eye. The whining from the engine was growing louder and Dean was getting more and more anxious each second the whining went on.

"River you going to change gear or what?" Dean asked through gritted teeth.

"Oh is that what that sound meant? Silly me."

Dean sighed with relief, until he heard a large crunch and the car jumped in place as it grinded to a halt. Dean gasped as he let of go of the top of the door where he had clenched it in terror.

He glanced at River who had a slightly sheepish expression on her face. She glanced at Dean "Oops." She mouthed.

"River what the hell happened?" Dean asked, his last nerve had well and truly been stomped on. River still wore a sheepish expression.

"Well I went to change the gear, but I forgot that the gear stick is on the right not my left… and… well…" She gestured to the open door which was now wrapped round a fire hydrant. "I opened the door by accident." She bit her lip as she watched the growing horror on Dean's face.

Dean just gulped as he got out the car to inspect the damage, his face paled as he saw the damage that had been inflicted on his baby. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and counted to 10.

"Sorry Dean." River said.

Dean took another deep breath in. "You can't drive very well can you?" He opened his eyes.

River shrugged "Not particularly. Although technically this is your fault."

Dean's eyes widened as he looked at her. "Wait… what?"

"If you had noticed that I was on the wrong side of the road, I wouldn't have opened the door into a fire hydrant." River grinned.

Dean opened his mouth to argue but shut it promptly when he realised it was no use arguing.

"Dean, could you do me a favour?"

"What?" He said gruffly.

"Don't tell the others about this. This kinda goes against them telling me to stay out of trouble"

Dean glanced at River, totally prepared to say no to her. But when he looked into those eyes, he melted. Sam might be right; he might have a crush on River. "Fine I won't tell them!" He said; a slight annoyed tone to his voice.

"Thank You Sweetie." River placed a hand on his cheek as she leaned into kiss the other. She smiled. "Your freckles are cute up close." She tapped him on the nose before walking round the Impala to get in the passenger seat.

Dean pulled at his jacket collar slightly as a familiar warm sensation swept his body, he felt colour grace his cheeks again. Okay maybe Sam was definitely right. But he was never going to admit it to him. If he did that, no one would be able to deal with the smugness he would be dripping everywhere.

With a quick check to see that nothing was going to embarrass him in the trouser department (usually that warm feeling meant something had happened), Dean got into the car wincing slightly as the door crunched as he shut it. He groaned as he imagined the ribbing he would get from the guys when he got home. But being able to spend an hour with River alone was worth all the teasing in the world.

But next time, maybe he wouldn't put his precious baby in the line of fire. 


End file.
